To Mo - my best friend

So, it's been a while since I posted here.. I'm a slacker I know. Two weeks out from exams I managed to get sick. Turned out not to be glandular fever thank goodness but still knocked me flat for a good week. Even when the painkillers and panadol etc were keeping the sore throat and fever down I just felt like my head was full of cotton wool.. Plus I kept wanting to fall asleep. So I had to sacrifice two topics and lose all choice on which questions I'll answer in the exams. Well, my first exam went fairly well even if my essays seemed somewhat incoherent to me.. There's only so much sense you can make when you have to write a WHOLE lot in an hour. Unfortunately I can already see that if I could have studied the fourth topic for the second exam I would have been able to get some more marks.. Hopefully the impaired performance application will be accepted, and the last exam goes better.

On to more important things. My beautiful Mo died on Monday.. Less than a week ago yet it feels like forever ago. She started to get really weak last Wednesday, going from being able to jump onto the table and bench to not even being able to get onto my bed. Mum, dad and Jeroen argued about it and decided not to tell me until after my first exam on Saturday morning. So I merrily went out to Linton to pick Jeroen up (completely oblivious) straight after my exam thinking we were going shopping, and he came out with his bags and said we were off to Auckland. I seriously didn't believe him that Mo was sick and ask 3 or 4 times if he was serious. Even texted mum to make sure. So we stopped at my house for some clothes and took off to Auckland. I'll admit I cried several times during the start of the trip and then decided to drive to keep my mind off it. I'll be forever grateful to Jeroen for making it possible for me to say goodbye to Mo.. I'd be even more of a mess if I hadn't had the opportunity to spend Saturday night lying on the floor with her, patting her, cuddling her and telling her I loved her. We had her cremated. When I die I want my ashes to be scattered somewhere beautiful and secluded along with hers.

I know some people will be thinking "she's just a cat" but to me she was so much more than a cat. She was my best friend for almost 18 years, and will always be my best friend. I don't remember much (or anything) of my life before Mo. She used to follow me to school in the morning, and wait at the gate for me in the afternoon. She followed me down to the bottom of the hill every morning when I had to feed the birds, mice, rabbits and chooks - even when it rained. Then I usually carried her back up the hill. One time we gave her a bath to try to get rid of her fleas, and she promptly ran away from home. We could see her wondering down the road at the bottom of the property, just a little dark speck on the road. I spent ages yelling out to her to come home.. And eventually she listened and came wondering back up the hill. Of course I met her half way, and carried her back up. Then I didn't let her out of my sight for a long time.
There were the times she brought home birds or baby rabbits and I put her in the cupboard to "tell her off." I always felt guilty within a minute or closing the door, but when I opened the cupboard door she was happily asleep on a pile of clothes. It didn't bother her. Then there was the time was had a bunch of baby rabbits (called kittens funnily enough) and we had her lying on a chair with all the little rabbits cuddled up to her. We kept a close eye on her but she just licked them then lay there purring. That's my Mo - the most amazing cat there ever was.
More than that, Mo could tell when I was sad or upset or just needed company. She would climb on my lap and just purr. Sometimes for hours. She slept in my bed. She listened to my secrets. And she helped me through some of the hardest times of my life - namely when everything with my eye happened.
Going away to uni for so hard for me, because I knew I wouldn't see Mo for long period of time.. How do you explain to a cat - your best friend - that you'll be back and you still love them so much? I tried, but I don't think it worked so well. The first time I came home from uni in first year she was so mad at me. Any time I tried to pat her or pick her up she would hiss and hum at me, her tail wagging. Eventually I persuaded her to let me pick her up and things were good until I left again. She sulked for a few days after I left - and she still sulked after I left right up until the very last trip home.. My trip home to say good bye. She was simply too weak - her body didn't do what she wanted it to anymore. It was so painful to see her like that. I realised she hadn't really purred for a few weeks, so she must have been in more pain than she was willing to let on. My poor Mo. Saying good bye was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It hurts the most at night... And I know when I go home next it's going to hit me even harder, because she won't be there anymore. I'm dreading going home. I don't know if Mo realised it, but she was the major motivator for me to go home as often as possible - I can catch up with mum and dad online or on the phone. I can tell them I love them. But I can't tell Mo that over the phone - even though I tried on every occassion when I called home. Mo just didn't quite understand the concept of telephones.

It was good to read some of the comments on various pet lover/memorial message boards. I'm not insane to be devastated about Mo. And my idea of having my ashes scattered with Mos isn't insane either - there are plenty of other people getting their pets cremated, and who plan to have their ashes scattered together.

So I'm pretty devastated at the moment.. Although I try to keep that to myself because most people just think "she's just a cat, get over it."

It's not goodbye Mo - it's "see you later."