Today is NOT a good day
To begin with, I'm tired and incredibly sick of studying. The fact that ALL the notes for bioinformatics are useless does not help. They skip from one topic to the next in no logical order, often before finishing the first topic properly. Large chunks of information required to make the stuff/models/strategies make sense have been left out.. And to make matters worse, a large amount of the information in the notes contradicts what is written in various textbooks and online. Quite frankly, I'll take the info in the textbook as being right.. Simply because the lecturer is a moron (he quite clearly thinks that we're the stupid ones but no... That's definately him). So you can imagine how much I enjoy having to teach myself everything (once I've found decent notes) 5 days out from the exam.. Particularly when I think this paper is a waste of time (and have thought so since before the semester started). Oh yeah, and I have 2 other exams to study for too. I'll be writing a "lovely" letter to either the paper co-ordinator/lecturer or the Head of Institute after exams.
To make things worse, mum thought today would be a good day to "tease me" about rent/board and all that when I get home. In the mood I was in, I certainly didn't appreciate it. And the fact that she suggested getting work at Massey over summer just makes me think she actually doesn't want me home. Right now, I don't want to be here. But I sure as hell don't want to be "home" either. Seriously, the whole thing with rent/board also annoys me a little. Granted, the money situation isn't so great for my parents at the moment. But it's not great for me either. I can see that I should contribute something (at least once I can find some work in that stupid city) but.. Jeroen didn't pay anything at all when he was home and had a "full time" (depending on how many shifts he actually felt like going to) job. Jess (his girlfriend) didn't either.. Not when she was staying there while Jeroen was home. And not while she was staying with my parents because she couldn't handle being home.. Her mum's a bitch so I really don't blame her for leaving but still.. So I just signed out (we were talking on AIM).
I'm sick of being pushed and pulled in every direction except the one I want to go in. All because of MONEY. The most idiotic thing ever invented. Not that I even know what I want right now. My degree is entirely useless.. I can't work where I've always wanted to work because.. Well because my degree is useless, and because NZ is so bloody small (and small-minded but that's another topic altogether) that ESR doesn't have any positions.. Not to mention that you need at least a MSc to get in the door.. Except if you have a Masters, you also need the relevant "experience." Experience that you can't get because no one will give you the chance. Seriously.. There are too many stupid people in positions of power. George Bush being the prime example (and ALWAYS the first to come to mind). That's a whole new essay that I would love to write one day.. But not today. So, I have no idea where I want to go from here, what I want to do from here, or who I want to be. I'm hoping the trip to the US would help me decide on that, but I'm starting to wonder if deciding to take a year off was one of the most idiotic decisions I've made. I have this niggling thought in the back of my mind that Joe and I are too different.. We don't talk the way we used to anymore - now if we get beyond the hellos and how are yous we're doing well. He's hardly ever around to talk anymore anyway. So what the hell are we going to talk about when I'm there? It'll just be a waste of time and money - but at least I'll know for certain that there's nothing there. And perhaps I could finally find someone here. Not that I want to be in NZ any longer than I have to. Growing up here was great.. But once you get to the age where you can actually properly look at the world around you, you notice that it's full of serious problems. The biggest things wrong with NZ?
To make things worse, mum thought today would be a good day to "tease me" about rent/board and all that when I get home. In the mood I was in, I certainly didn't appreciate it. And the fact that she suggested getting work at Massey over summer just makes me think she actually doesn't want me home. Right now, I don't want to be here. But I sure as hell don't want to be "home" either. Seriously, the whole thing with rent/board also annoys me a little. Granted, the money situation isn't so great for my parents at the moment. But it's not great for me either. I can see that I should contribute something (at least once I can find some work in that stupid city) but.. Jeroen didn't pay anything at all when he was home and had a "full time" (depending on how many shifts he actually felt like going to) job. Jess (his girlfriend) didn't either.. Not when she was staying there while Jeroen was home. And not while she was staying with my parents because she couldn't handle being home.. Her mum's a bitch so I really don't blame her for leaving but still.. So I just signed out (we were talking on AIM).
I'm sick of being pushed and pulled in every direction except the one I want to go in. All because of MONEY. The most idiotic thing ever invented. Not that I even know what I want right now. My degree is entirely useless.. I can't work where I've always wanted to work because.. Well because my degree is useless, and because NZ is so bloody small (and small-minded but that's another topic altogether) that ESR doesn't have any positions.. Not to mention that you need at least a MSc to get in the door.. Except if you have a Masters, you also need the relevant "experience." Experience that you can't get because no one will give you the chance. Seriously.. There are too many stupid people in positions of power. George Bush being the prime example (and ALWAYS the first to come to mind). That's a whole new essay that I would love to write one day.. But not today. So, I have no idea where I want to go from here, what I want to do from here, or who I want to be. I'm hoping the trip to the US would help me decide on that, but I'm starting to wonder if deciding to take a year off was one of the most idiotic decisions I've made. I have this niggling thought in the back of my mind that Joe and I are too different.. We don't talk the way we used to anymore - now if we get beyond the hellos and how are yous we're doing well. He's hardly ever around to talk anymore anyway. So what the hell are we going to talk about when I'm there? It'll just be a waste of time and money - but at least I'll know for certain that there's nothing there. And perhaps I could finally find someone here. Not that I want to be in NZ any longer than I have to. Growing up here was great.. But once you get to the age where you can actually properly look at the world around you, you notice that it's full of serious problems. The biggest things wrong with NZ?
- Too many stupid people are in positions of power and degrees (that cost so much and take so much effort) are not valued at all.
- To get anywhere in this country you need to be a good liar, and/or a loud-mouth. Fair play is pushed to the younger kids, but you quickly discover that it's more 'look like you're playing fair, but as soon as no-one's watching it's okay to give your opponent a shove, or a kick.. Or both.'
- NZers are so big on being friendly and laid-back - but it's all a facade. NZers are often incredibly racist as soon as they realise you're not just a visitor. They want every visitor to go home and tell everyone how great NZ is, but if someone's here to stay their opinion of NZ doesn't matter.
- Incomes (and taxes for that matter) are idiotic. The minimum wage is so low that anyone with a family to support would have serious problems surviving. The price of everything goes up constantly.. Yet incomes stay the same.. Or decrease as taxes increase. Surcharges are added to everything.
posted by Miranda | 1:43 PM
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